Browse Through Our Collection of 5,191 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Rated 3.76/5 (705 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesnt sleep. He waits.
Rated 3.78/5 (545 Votes)
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Rated 4.15/5 (4223 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.19/5 (4115 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Rated 3.69/5 (524 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.18/5 (2240 Votes)
When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.6/5 (517 Votes)
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
Rated 4.09/5 (2344 Votes)
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger by yelling, "Bang!"
Rated 4.06/5 (787 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Rated 3.95/5 (584 Votes)
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Rated 4.02/5 (429 Votes)
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Rated 4.06/5 (1126 Votes)
The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .
Rated 4.05/5 (695 Votes)
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.
Rated 3.67/5 (393 Votes)
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.06/5 (512 Votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Rated 4.16/5 (2961 Votes)
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
Rated 3.49/5 (368 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
Rated 3.37/5 (339 Votes)
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Rated 3.59/5 (371 Votes)
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Rated 4/5 (1510 Votes)