Browse Through Our Collection of 5,191 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Rated 3.71/5 (723 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesnt sleep. He waits.
Rated 3.74/5 (559 Votes)
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Rated 4.14/5 (4249 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.18/5 (4142 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Rated 3.66/5 (534 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.16/5 (2263 Votes)
When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.57/5 (528 Votes)
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
Rated 4.07/5 (2357 Votes)
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger by yelling, "Bang!"
Rated 4.04/5 (797 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Rated 3.92/5 (592 Votes)
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Rated 3.97/5 (439 Votes)
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Rated 4.03/5 (1138 Votes)
The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .
Rated 4.03/5 (706 Votes)
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.
Rated 3.63/5 (405 Votes)
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
Rated 4/5 (527 Votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Rated 4.14/5 (2984 Votes)
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
Rated 3.44/5 (378 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
Rated 3.33/5 (350 Votes)
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Rated 3.54/5 (383 Votes)
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Rated 3.99/5 (1521 Votes)