Browse Through Our Collection of 5,169 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Rated 3.76/5 (691 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesnt sleep. He waits.
Rated 3.78/5 (533 Votes)
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Rated 4.15/5 (4196 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.19/5 (4055 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.
Rated 3.69/5 (513 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.18/5 (2179 Votes)
When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.59/5 (503 Votes)
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
Rated 4.09/5 (2329 Votes)
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger by yelling, "Bang!"
Rated 4.06/5 (773 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Rated 3.95/5 (571 Votes)
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
Rated 4.03/5 (416 Votes)
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Rated 4.07/5 (1114 Votes)
The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .
Rated 4.06/5 (682 Votes)
If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.
Rated 3.68/5 (380 Votes)
When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.07/5 (505 Votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Rated 4.16/5 (2927 Votes)
When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.
Rated 3.49/5 (357 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.
Rated 3.37/5 (329 Votes)
Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Rated 3.6/5 (363 Votes)
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Rated 4/5 (1498 Votes)