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There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

Rated 3.74/5 (712 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesnt sleep. He waits.

Rated 3.78/5 (548 Votes)

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Rated 4.14/5 (4233 Votes)

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.

Rated 4.19/5 (4126 Votes)

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Rated 3.69/5 (525 Votes)

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Rated 4.18/5 (2248 Votes)

When Chuck Norris is put in a straight jacket to be contained, he doesn't go insane, the jacket does. NOBODY tries to contain Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.6/5 (518 Votes)

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.

Rated 4.09/5 (2345 Votes)

Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger by yelling, "Bang!"

Rated 4.06/5 (788 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Rated 3.95/5 (584 Votes)

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

Rated 4.02/5 (429 Votes)

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

Rated 4.06/5 (1127 Votes)

The following is a short list of things Chuck Norris cannot do: .

Rated 4.05/5 (696 Votes)

If you make a list of 10 things Chuck Norris cannot do, he will appear at your house and perform them all. Your life may be forfeit.

Rated 3.66/5 (396 Votes)

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.

Rated 4.05/5 (514 Votes)

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Rated 4.15/5 (2971 Votes)

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

Rated 3.49/5 (369 Votes)

Chuck Norris has a vacation home on the sun.

Rated 3.37/5 (339 Votes)

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Rated 3.58/5 (373 Votes)

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Rated 4/5 (1511 Votes)
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