Browse Through Our Collection of 5,191 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
You Know the saying,"I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on by Chuck Norris".
Rated 3.71/5 (21 Votes)
Chuck Norris can read the Bible. Backwards.
Rated 3.19/5 (21 Votes)
Squirt Gun + Chuck Norris = Someone has to call Noah and tell him to bring his arc over.
Rated 3.86/5 (22 Votes)
There's two meaning for the phrase "Rip-off". There is too much money for ride, and then theres what Chuck Norris does to your head when roundhouse-kicking it.
Rated 2.56/5 (18 Votes)
Chuck Norris' shirt size is XXXS, and his pant size is XXXL.
Rated 2.61/5 (23 Votes)
If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the Earth, it would split in two,and that's with no legs or feet!
Rated 2.87/5 (15 Votes)
Chuck Norris can walk through walls because whenever he gets near the walls break in fear of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking them.
Rated 3.46/5 (13 Votes)
Chuck Norris is so fast that he turned off the light in his bedroom, and was in bed before the room got dark.
Rated 4.09/5 (67 Votes)
There once Was a Pangaea but then Chuck took up jogging.
Rated 3.39/5 (18 Votes)
The beans from jack & the beanstalk weren't magical until Chuck Norris accidentally spit on the spot the beans were planted, he was also the giant( & it wasn't fee fi fo fum, it was 3, 4, 5, gunned).
Rated 3.1/5 (21 Votes)
In a movie Bruce Lee "killed" Chuck Norris, or DID he? Notice how young Bruce Lee was when he died?
Rated 3.91/5 (23 Votes)
Chuck Norris isn't awesome, awesome is Chuck Norris!
Rated 3.15/5 (27 Votes)
Chuck Norris was on the Titanic & noticed 2 kids spitting over the side, he then decided to spit over the side, causing the Titanic to propel into the iceberg. The spit also caused the rogue wave that flipped over the Poseidon.
Rated 3.91/5 (56 Votes)
When Chuck Norris snores, instead of waking the neighbors, it hits just the right frequency to cause the neighbors to feel sleepy. . . Too bad he never sleeps (or snores).
Rated 2.29/5 (17 Votes)
Chuck Norris has never made a bowel movement, it would give away his presence to enemies.
Rated 3.35/5 (23 Votes)
The most dangerous form of transportation is Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick, it is also the fastest.
Rated 2.86/5 (14 Votes)
Chuck Norris, like sharks, never stops moving... it is a form of weakness.
Rated 2.71/5 (17 Votes)
When Chuck Norris wants to climb a mountain and he is not near one he pushes two tectonic plates together and makes one.
Rated 3.58/5 (12 Votes)
If a bullet is shot at you say Chuck Norris it will hit the person who shot it.
Rated 2.05/5 (21 Votes)
While Adam was dying Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the heart. We now know Adam as Death.
Rated 2/5 (12 Votes)