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Chuck Norris actually found the last golden ticket. All he had to do was tie up the candy bar and round house kick it till it talked.

Rated 3.54/5 (89 Votes)

In war of the worlds they say that the air killed the Martians...but if you watch the movie in slow motion you will see Chuck Norris round house kicking all the Martians till they died. The movie was suppose to star Chuck Norris killing the Martians. When he did this the movie was only 12 seconds long. Then the director mysteriously disappeared after firing Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.26/5 (86 Votes)

When a tsunami happens, it’s because Chuck Norris has been swimming laps in the ocean.

Rated 3.79/5 (94 Votes)

Chuck Norris poops light sabers.

Rated 2.6/5 (141 Votes)

Chuck Norris clips his toenails with a chain saw.

Rated 3.74/5 (95 Votes)

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Chuck Norris kicked it.

Rated 3.58/5 (131 Votes)

Chuck Norris’ belly button is actually a power outlet.

Rated 3.5/5 (94 Votes)

Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needed a place to store his kills.

Rated 3.38/5 (68 Votes)

Chuck Norris has a beautiful singing voice. Unfortunately, the sound of it would melt the average human brain.

Rated 3.53/5 (86 Votes)

On his birthday, Chuck Norris blows out his candles by blinking.

Rated 4.07/5 (99 Votes)

Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Rated 4.02/5 (99 Votes)

When Chuck Norris vomits, wealthy people scavenge it for food. Too bad for them Chuck Norris never vomits.

Rated 2.74/5 (98 Votes)

If Chuck Norris were a ballet dancer, he’d strangle you gracefully with his tutu. And then himself.

Rated 2.31/5 (115 Votes)

Chuck Norris graduated from school with a degree in Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.63/5 (102 Votes)

Our founding fathers originally decreed a strict separation between Chuck Norris and state. Chuck Norris eliminated them.

Rated 3.66/5 (76 Votes)

Chuck Norris uses staples as hair gel.

Rated 3.41/5 (81 Votes)

Saddam Hussein hid in a hole because he heard they were sending in Chuck Norris

Rated 3.99/5 (138 Votes)

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

Rated 4.03/5 (141 Votes)

How many Chuck Norrises does it take to screw in a light bulb? What!? Chuck Norris doesn’t need light. Light needs Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.85/5 (119 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe fire, fire breathes Chuck Norris.

Rated 2.91/5 (76 Votes)
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