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Chuck Norris has never met a man he didnt promptly roundhouse kick in the face.

Rated 3.14/5 (14 Votes)

It wasnt a meteor that killed the dinosaurs. Chuck Norris's balls dropped.

Rated 3.79/5 (28 Votes)

Chuck Norris can write the entire Declaration of Independence on his penis...with a paint roller.

Rated 3.91/5 (34 Votes)

Chuck Norris once threw one of his turds into outer space and it came back, we know it as the movie Armageddon.

Rated 3.14/5 (7 Votes)

Chuck Norris raced against an entire pack of cigarettes -- he smoked them all.

Rated 3.81/5 (21 Votes)

Chuck Norris had green eggs and ham -- Sam was never heard from again.

Rated 3.33/5 (15 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't use an egg beater. He uses his boots.

Rated 2/5 (10 Votes)

Chuck Norris can beat you in a eye staring contest when smoke from a fire is blowing up into his eyes.

Rated 3.14/5 (14 Votes)

When Chuck Norris has a thumb war, his thumb whips out a machine gun and shoots your thumb right off.

Rated 3.42/5 (19 Votes)

The Guinness Book of World Records was originally titled "Chuck Norris facts".

Rated 4.09/5 (56 Votes)

Chuck Norris beat the game of Jumanji without saying a word, he just beat the living crap out of everything that was thrown at him. Eventually the game forfeited.

Rated 3.09/5 (11 Votes)

The wheels on the bus used to be still, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked em.

Rated 3.08/5 (13 Votes)

Chuck Norris can play basketball with a planet.

Rated 1.7/5 (20 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't play peek-a-boo in the shower. He plays pee-and-you-die.

Rated 3.1/5 (21 Votes)

Chuck Norris does not plagiarize. Every idea is owned by him.

Rated 3.38/5 (16 Votes)

Chuck Norris carried King Kong up the Empire State Building.

Rated 2.88/5 (17 Votes)

Chuck Norris died...worms ate him then the movie Tremors was made.

Rated 1.63/5 (27 Votes)

Whats the difference between you and Chuck Norris....HE'S CHUCK NORRIS.

Rated 2.04/5 (24 Votes)

Superman is faster than a speeding bullet...Chuck Norris is faster than superman.

Rated 2.29/5 (21 Votes)

Chuck Norris round house kicked Barney, Barney fell into 4 pieces. The Teletubbies were on television the next day.

Rated 3.71/5 (28 Votes)
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