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Chuck Norris does not ejaculate, he sandblasts.

Rated 3.17/5 (18 Votes)

Chuck Norris Can count by 2's and tie his shoes.

Rated 1.6/5 (20 Votes)

Chuck Norris dosen't watch Godzilla movies, Godzilla watches Chuck Norris movies.

Rated 3.7/5 (40 Votes)

When Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, they were really aiming for Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.04/5 (24 Votes)

Chuck Norris had a party and invited celebrities. Tom Cruise cannot get in, because Chuck Norris does not take shit.

Rated 2.9/5 (29 Votes)

One day a man told Chuck that two heads are better then one. So he took that man and another man and roundhouse kicked them together to make the first Siamese twins.

Rated 3.34/5 (29 Votes)

Chuck Norris once stole a man's heart -- the only time he was ever glad to give something back that he took.

Rated 2.43/5 (28 Votes)

Chuck Norris' bones are made of adamantine.

Rated 2.2/5 (25 Votes)

Chuck Norris established the People's Republic of Chuck Norris.

Rated 1.88/5 (24 Votes)

Chuck Norris has a turbo diesel. On his bicycle.

Rated 3.87/5 (30 Votes)

Chuck Norris gives the sun cancer.

Rated 4.07/5 (43 Votes)

They wanted to put Chuck Norris' head on Mt. Rushmore, but the granite wasn't strong enough to hold up his beard.

Rated 3.9/5 (39 Votes)

Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.

Rated 3.69/5 (35 Votes)

Chuck Norris can find the needle in the haystack.

Rated 3.4/5 (30 Votes)

You might be a redneck if Chuck Norris says so.

Rated 3.55/5 (42 Votes)

Chuck Norris can kill ants with a magnifying glass. . . at night.

Rated 3.91/5 (58 Votes)

Chuck Norris can take 13 apples from a basket full of apples.

Rated 1.52/5 (44 Votes)

When Chuck Norris jumped into the ocean he didn't get wet the ocean got dry.

Rated 3.28/5 (29 Votes)

When Chuck Norris snaps his fingers some random person in the world dies.

Rated 3.72/5 (36 Votes)

When going to a concert with Chuck Norris, every section is the nosebleed section!

Rated 2.35/5 (31 Votes)
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