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If you plan to race Chuck Norris in your Mercedes against his Kia, just quit now. (His Kia runs at 4.7 seconds at a quarter mile, like a drag car).

Rated 1.75/5 (16 Votes)

When Chuck Norris drinks Red Bull, he really does get wings.

Rated 2.68/5 (19 Votes)

Chuck Norris' German sheperd speaks German.

Rated 2.13/5 (16 Votes)

Jimmy cracked corn, Chuck Norris cracked Jimmy.

Rated 3.57/5 (30 Votes)

Chuck Norris can make cows from butter.

Rated 2.46/5 (13 Votes)

Chuck Norris eats McDonalds at Kentucky Fried Chicken stores.

Rated 2.29/5 (17 Votes)

Chuck Norris can Round House Kick Yao Ming in the Face.

Rated 2.31/5 (16 Votes)

Chuck Norris was born May 6, 1945. The Nazi surrendered to us May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I don't think so!!!!!!!!

Rated 3.99/5 (142 Votes)

Chuck Norris informed homeland security that he would no longer be carrying I.D. People should now who he is.

Rated 3.25/5 (16 Votes)

Chuck Norris once sang at a karaoke bar. Everyone committed suicide because it was too good to be true.

Rated 2.72/5 (18 Votes)

Every time Chuck Norris shaves the fist in his beard gets stronger and stronger.

Rated 1.88/5 (16 Votes)

Chuck Norris gives aspirin a headache.

Rated 3.11/5 (18 Votes)

Sharks are so scared of Chuck Norris they have a week about him.

Rated 3.67/5 (30 Votes)

When Chuck Norris hits his funny bone, he laughs.

Rated 2.27/5 (15 Votes)

Chuck Norris already has a 5D TV.

Rated 2.76/5 (17 Votes)

Once when challenged to fight, Chuck Norris said, "Wait while I unbutton my shirt, roll up my sleeves, and feather back my hair." When Chuck was finished, his opponent lay unconscious on the floor.

Rated 3.53/5 (17 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't need sunblock when he goes to the beach, the sun needs Chuck Norris block.

Rated 2.91/5 (11 Votes)

Those big men escorting Chuck Norris during public appearances aren't body guards, they're in the Federal Witness Protection Program.

Rated 3.72/5 (36 Votes)

Chuck Norris has a beard because everytime he tries to shave, his hairs break the blades.

Rated 3.76/5 (34 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't win battles, he just allows you to loose.

Rated 2.53/5 (17 Votes)
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