Browse Through Our Collection of 5,191 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
Chuck Norris' grenade has a silencer.
Rated 4/5 (27 Votes)
Chuck Noriss can seperate the salt from the ocean.
Rated 3.69/5 (13 Votes)
Jesus, Chuck Norris, and a Pope are stranded in the middle of the ocean in a boat. Jesus gets out and walks on the water to shore. Chuck Norris watches and does the same. The Pope tries and drowns. After seeing this, Jesus turns to Chuck Norris and says, "Do you think we should have told him about the rocks?" and Chuck Norris smiles and says, "What rocks?".
Rated 4/5 (36 Votes)
The Red Scare in America actually had nothing to do with Communism. Chuck Norris was just wearing a Chicago Bulls jersey that day.
Rated 3.38/5 (8 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't need condoms. His sperm just eat the female's eggs for the protein.
Rated 3.48/5 (23 Votes)
Chuck Norris can tear a facebook page.
Rated 4.11/5 (80 Votes)
Sunscreen is made from Chuck Norris' sweat.
Rated 2.5/5 (12 Votes)
Chuck Norris donates his chest hair to make steel wool.
Rated 4.09/5 (11 Votes)
Chuck Norris gets unlimited data, messaging, and calls on his cell phone. And its free.
Rated 3.11/5 (9 Votes)
Smoking cigarettes makes Chuck Norris more resistant to cancer.
Rated 3.8/5 (10 Votes)
Chuck Norris is plotting your demise.
Rated 2.67/5 (9 Votes)
Once, Chuck Norris folded a cherry stem into a .45. Then shot the man that dared him to do it.
Rated 3.86/5 (7 Votes)
If you could ever get close enough to cut off one of Chuck Norris's limbs, it would grow another Chuck Norris. Then the original would kill the clone. Because there can be only one Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.56/5 (27 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't lose socks in the drier, they run away.
Rated 3.33/5 (12 Votes)
Chuck Norris eats the very last of every animal on the endangered species list. Only then are they extinct.
Rated 2.9/5 (10 Votes)
Chuck Norris took the last cookie from the cookie jar. And there's nothing you can do about it.
Rated 3.25/5 (12 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't need toilet paper. He's perfectly comfortable using pine cones and cactus.
Rated 3.25/5 (12 Votes)
Chuck Norris uses HydroChloric Acid for eye drops.
Rated 3.22/5 (9 Votes)
Chuck Norris once had a prostate exam. The attending physician didn't make it.
Rated 3.1/5 (10 Votes)
Chuck Norris can go right and left at the same time.
Rated 4.1/5 (305 Votes)