Browse Through Our Collection of 5,191 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
Chuck Norris doesnt fight, he gives you a reason to hurt yourself.
Rated 3.11/5 (9 Votes)
Chuck Norris can make a snake get tangled up in it's own feet.
Rated 3.22/5 (9 Votes)
Chuck Norris's words carry weight that can break a less interesting man's jaw.
Rated 2.42/5 (12 Votes)
Tough guys eat nails.Chuck Norris eats tough guys.
Rated 2.23/5 (13 Votes)
Chuck Norris invented beer & pizza. He also invented the wheel but it doesn't taste as good at Superbowl parties.
Rated 3.33/5 (15 Votes)
Chuck Norris invented cranberries by uprooting a cherry tree and throwing it into a farm pond.
Rated 3.2/5 (10 Votes)
Once, while experiencing an episode of ironic humor, Chuck Norris drowned an elephant in a vat of peanut oil.
Rated 3.43/5 (14 Votes)
The U.S. Coast Guard has approved audio recordings of Chuck Norris farts for use on all maritime vessels as the preferred fog horn signal.
Rated 2.73/5 (11 Votes)
Some creatures have fatally confused Chuck Norris' beard with a rain forrest.
Rated 3.57/5 (14 Votes)
Chuck Norris can prepare a 5 star gourmet dinner out of onion, toejam and Wheaties.
Rated 3.6/5 (10 Votes)
Chuck Norris actually ghost wrote all of Ernest Hemingway's novels and taught him the virtues of Key West fishing, rum drinking & whore mongering.
Rated 3.38/5 (8 Votes)
After he came home from his hunting trip to Canada, Chuck Norris drove his Humvee around his neighborhood for five months before anybody had enough nerve to tell him that he still had a moose strapped to the top of it.
Rated 2.78/5 (9 Votes)
Forrest Gump once said: "Life is like a box of chocolates. Life is also not pissing off Chuck Norris. And that's all I have to say about that!".
Rated 3.33/5 (12 Votes)
Chuck Norris gives his GPS directions.
Rated 3.97/5 (35 Votes)
Chuck Norris fired donald trump.
Rated 3.43/5 (14 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a holiday house in area 51.
Rated 2.57/5 (7 Votes)
You play find the needel in a hay stack Chuck Noriss plays find the hay in the needel stack.
Rated 3.1/5 (10 Votes)
When Chuck Norris drinks water he pisses out kool-aid.
Rated 1.86/5 (7 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hear a dog whistle.
Rated 2.91/5 (11 Votes)
Chuck Norris can say his ABCs all at the same time.
Rated 1.55/5 (11 Votes)