Browse Through Our Collection of 5,191 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
Curiosity killed the cat. Chuck Norris killed Curiosity for doing his job.
Rated 3.94/5 (18 Votes)
When Chuck Norris plays Space Invaders, he controls the enemy ships.
Rated 3.56/5 (9 Votes)
The original first rule of Fight Club was "You don't talk about Chuck Norris".
Rated 3.58/5 (12 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't go to funerals. He doesn't need to confirm his kills.
Rated 4/5 (11 Votes)
Chuck Norris can get water from a mirage.
Rated 3.63/5 (27 Votes)
Chuck Norris didn't hit puberty. He kicked its butt.
Rated 3.84/5 (19 Votes)
Chuck Norris caught the Gingerbread man.
Rated 4.07/5 (61 Votes)
Chuck Norris sperm is techniqually listed as a weapon of mass destruction.
Rated 3.29/5 (24 Votes)
Chuck Norris once farted while camping. The incident is commonly referred to as Mount St. Helens.
Rated 4.04/5 (46 Votes)
All ten of Chuck Norris' fingers are middle fingers.
Rated 3.71/5 (31 Votes)
Chuck Norris played tug of war with himself and won.
Rated 3.51/5 (49 Votes)
Chuck Norris masturbates to a picture of himself.
Rated 3.26/5 (34 Votes)
When fishing, Chuck Norris practices "catch and release". Barehanded. With killer whales.
Rated 3.83/5 (24 Votes)
Chuck Norris receives an annual sum of 10 million dollars from Viagra as royalties for the chemical compounds found in his blood.
Rated 3.89/5 (37 Votes)
There's more than one way to skin a cat. Chuck Norris knows them all and tries a different one every morning.
Rated 3.43/5 (23 Votes)
Although he has a free pass to all events, Chuck Norris is banned for life from competing in any Ultimate Fighting Championship for obvious reasons.
Rated 3.14/5 (21 Votes)
When visiting Scotland, Chuck Norris was bitten by a leach. A month later, the Lock Ness monster was seen for the first time.
Rated 3.96/5 (46 Votes)
Chuck Norris owns 5 patents on pain.
Rated 3.53/5 (17 Votes)
Chuck Norris adopted a penguin as a pet. Now it flies beautifully.
Rated 4/5 (69 Votes)
Chuck Norris once participated in the annual "Running of the Bulls" event in Spain. The bulls couldn't run anywhere near fast enough to get away from him.
Rated 4.04/5 (47 Votes)