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Curiosity killed the cat. Chuck Norris killed Curiosity for doing his job.

Rated 3.94/5 (18 Votes)

When Chuck Norris plays Space Invaders, he controls the enemy ships.

Rated 3.63/5 (8 Votes)

The original first rule of Fight Club was "You don't talk about Chuck Norris".

Rated 3.6/5 (10 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't go to funerals. He doesn't need to confirm his kills.

Rated 4/5 (11 Votes)

Chuck Norris can get water from a mirage.

Rated 3.63/5 (27 Votes)

Chuck Norris didn't hit puberty. He kicked its butt.

Rated 3.78/5 (18 Votes)

Chuck Norris caught the Gingerbread man.

Rated 4.07/5 (61 Votes)

Chuck Norris sperm is techniqually listed as a weapon of mass destruction.

Rated 3.29/5 (24 Votes)

Chuck Norris once farted while camping. The incident is commonly referred to as Mount St. Helens.

Rated 4.04/5 (46 Votes)

All ten of Chuck Norris' fingers are middle fingers.

Rated 3.71/5 (31 Votes)

Chuck Norris played tug of war with himself and won.

Rated 4.13/5 (31 Votes)

Chuck Norris masturbates to a picture of himself.

Rated 3.24/5 (33 Votes)

When fishing, Chuck Norris practices "catch and release". Barehanded. With killer whales.

Rated 3.86/5 (22 Votes)

Chuck Norris receives an annual sum of 10 million dollars from Viagra as royalties for the chemical compounds found in his blood.

Rated 3.89/5 (36 Votes)

There's more than one way to skin a cat. Chuck Norris knows them all and tries a different one every morning.

Rated 3.43/5 (23 Votes)

Although he has a free pass to all events, Chuck Norris is banned for life from competing in any Ultimate Fighting Championship for obvious reasons.

Rated 3.1/5 (20 Votes)

When visiting Scotland, Chuck Norris was bitten by a leach. A month later, the Lock Ness monster was seen for the first time.

Rated 4.02/5 (44 Votes)

Chuck Norris owns 5 patents on pain.

Rated 3.53/5 (17 Votes)

Chuck Norris adopted a penguin as a pet. Now it flies beautifully.

Rated 4.03/5 (67 Votes)

Chuck Norris once participated in the annual "Running of the Bulls" event in Spain. The bulls couldn't run anywhere near fast enough to get away from him.

Rated 4.04/5 (47 Votes)
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