Browse Through Our Collection of 5,191 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
It's safer to tickle a grizzly bear in the ass with a short stick than mess with Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.34/5 (32 Votes)
The movie Anaconda was filmed in Chuck Norris's pants!
Rated 2.97/5 (33 Votes)
Chuck Norris squeezes turnips from blood.
Rated 3.38/5 (13 Votes)
Chuck Norris does not submit to homeland security, he IS homeland security.
Rated 3.7/5 (478 Votes)
The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.
Rated 4.1/5 (221 Votes)
Charles Schultz died because Charlie Brown had Chuck's name.
Rated 3/5 (8 Votes)
If you've ever wanted to see an unstoppable force meet an immovable object, just watch Chuck Norris punch himself.
Rated 3.87/5 (23 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't just break wind...He ANNIHILATES it.
Rated 3.86/5 (14 Votes)
Chuck Norris can find his way around using Apple Maps.
Rated 3.69/5 (13 Votes)
Chuck Norris has won every game of Bingo and Yahtzee he has ever played. He has never said either word.
Rated 3.33/5 (9 Votes)
Chuck Norris can freeze fire.
Rated 4.06/5 (17 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes his profits by investing in Enron.
Rated 3.25/5 (8 Votes)
Chuck Norris has an iPhone 19, but says it's too last year.
Rated 3.88/5 (8 Votes)
Chuck Norris eats iPhones and calls people with a piece of fruit. He doesn't care he's using the wrong apple for the wrong thing.
Rated 3.82/5 (11 Votes)
Chuck Norris has all of the friends on Facebook.
Rated 3/5 (12 Votes)
Chuck Norris can beat a man to death with his own corpse.
Rated 3.93/5 (15 Votes)
The South will not rise again. Chuck Norris doesn't want it to.
Rated 2.7/5 (10 Votes)
Chuck Norris can push open doors labelled "PULL".
Rated 4.1/5 (111 Votes)
Chuck Norris puts the "fun" in "funeral".
Rated 4.05/5 (22 Votes)
The only thing that can kill Chuck Norris is his clone... on steroids.
Rated 3.35/5 (17 Votes)