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Chuck Norris's blood alcohol level is ALWAYS 100%.

Rated 4/5 (37 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't put his pants on, the pants put themselves on.

Rated 3.25/5 (28 Votes)

Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.

Rated 4.18/5 (2834 Votes)

When Chuck Norris goes paintballing, he kills the other team.

Rated 3.52/5 (25 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't get old, the world gets younger.

Rated 3.65/5 (34 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't find love, love finds Chuck Norris.

Rated 2.68/5 (19 Votes)

Chuck Norris kicked the face off Facebook. Now it's just called book.

Rated 3.6/5 (40 Votes)

If Chuck Norris was gay, you'd be dead.

Rated 3.08/5 (36 Votes)

Chuck Norris can score two points in soccer with one kick.

Rated 3.8/5 (35 Votes)

Their is no such thing as tornadoes, Chuck Norris just doesn't like trailer parks.

Rated 3.63/5 (38 Votes)

Chuck Norris is so mean he hates himself.

Rated 2.07/5 (44 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't need a watch. He decides what time it is.

Rated 4.07/5 (121 Votes)

Harry Potter has no known skills to vanquish Lord Voldemort. In truth, Chuck Norris appeared before Lord Voldemort right as he was about to cast the killing curse and Roundhouse kicked Voldemort in his snakey face, causing him to become nothing more than a soul-like entity, and leaving behind a remnant of the destruction that happened there: the scar on Harry Potter's forehead.

Rated 2.61/5 (36 Votes)

The reason a yo-yo will come back to you when you throw one down is because Chuck Norris is at the other end.

Rated 3.08/5 (36 Votes)

Chuck doesn't need Nutrition Facts. He decides what nutrients he gets from eating something.

Rated 2.79/5 (33 Votes)

In World of Warcraft, Chuck Norris has a lvl 1029381097509 Chuck Norris. It has only one attack: Roundhouse kick, which can kill everyone in the entire world and cause power outages and computer crashes when performed.

Rated 2.8/5 (30 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't use the Force. The Force uses Chuck Norris.

Rated 2.17/5 (29 Votes)

Chuck Norris isn't hired. Chuck Norris hires people to pretend that they're hiring him. Then he roundhouse kicks them in the head cuz he doesn't need them anymore.

Rated 2.21/5 (28 Votes)

The Flood cannot infest Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris infests the Flood.

Rated 2.35/5 (31 Votes)

Chuck Norris can become invisible by telling light to not reflect off of him.

Rated 2.76/5 (29 Votes)
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