Browse Through Our Collection of 5,191 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
Chuck Norris says there is an I in team.
Rated 3.68/5 (31 Votes)
They say the banks control the country.
The Fed controls the banks. The Rothchilds control the Fed. And Chuck Norris controls it all.
Rated 3.13/5 (23 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't have cancer, cancer has Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.34/5 (56 Votes)
Chuck Norris's driver's license photo is of the bottom of his boot
because he was in the process of roundhouse kicking the camera
operator in the face for asking him to say "cheese" rather than
Rated 3.34/5 (29 Votes)
Any invite to Chuck Norris to play hackey sack invariably ends with him
roundhouse kicking all players to the face and literally, killing the game.
Rated 3.23/5 (35 Votes)
Chuck Norris once ripped the heads off of two endangered spotted owls
and wore them around as night vision goggles...at 2:00 in the afternoon.
Rated 2.66/5 (29 Votes)
Chuck Norris hates the words Prius, hemp, and lackluster.
Rated 2.64/5 (22 Votes)
Foreplay with Chuck Norris lasts 0 seconds. He never plays. He only
knows forekill, but if he had forekill with you there wouldn't be any
opportunity for anything else.
Rated 2.79/5 (19 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a seventh sense.
Rated 3.34/5 (29 Votes)
Even Forrest Gump can't run from Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.46/5 (26 Votes)
Chuck Norris quenches his thirst with napalm.
Rated 3.71/5 (28 Votes)
Chuck Norris uses tobasco sauce for visine.
Rated 2.96/5 (23 Votes)
Chuck Norris can count to 3. 1, 2, Chuck Norris.
Rated 2.04/5 (27 Votes)
What is the difference between Chuck Norris and a poor decision? Life and death.
Rated 3.2/5 (25 Votes)
Chuck Norris plus a hot dog equals fun on a bun.
Rated 3.26/5 (23 Votes)
Chuck noris was born with a pistol in his hand.
Rated 2.86/5 (28 Votes)
Someone once called Chuck Norris a long list of names. He was later
found dead in his home with a shoe shaped hole through his head.
Rated 3.13/5 (31 Votes)
One man and one man only has ever tried to kick Chuck Norris in the balls. He was hospitalized the next day for serious foot trauma.
Rated 3.04/5 (25 Votes)
Some children may enjoy burning ant with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys burning little children with ants. Scientists have not yet proved how this is possible.
Rated 3.97/5 (95 Votes)
Ever wonder why santa's last name is clause instead of claws? because
Chuck Norris de-clawed him.
Rated 2.25/5 (24 Votes)