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Chuck Norris always knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.

Rated 3.43/5 (111 Votes)

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score over 8000.

Rated 3.71/5 (163 Votes)

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

Rated 4.07/5 (419 Votes)

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

Rated 3.3/5 (118 Votes)

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoloy card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

Rated 4.12/5 (736 Votes)

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Rated 3.65/5 (158 Votes)

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.06/5 (93 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

Rated 2.95/5 (124 Votes)

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Rated 3.89/5 (165 Votes)

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Rated 4.05/5 (154 Votes)

Archeologists unearthed an old english dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Rated 3.97/5 (137 Votes)

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

Rated 4.17/5 (3685 Votes)

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Rated 4.16/5 (3440 Votes)

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

Rated 4.18/5 (4242 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.

Rated 4.2/5 (3060 Votes)

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Rated 4.17/5 (3000 Votes)

On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.

Rated 4.14/5 (2845 Votes)

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Rated 4.13/5 (3395 Votes)

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

Rated 4.13/5 (1979 Votes)

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Rated 4.19/5 (2910 Votes)
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