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Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Rated 4.21/5 (5149 Votes)

Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

Rated 4.09/5 (253 Votes)

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Rated 4.11/5 (1820 Votes)

If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.

Rated 4.16/5 (3546 Votes)

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Rated 4.2/5 (3626 Votes)

Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.

Rated 4.13/5 (428 Votes)

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

Rated 4.11/5 (753 Votes)

When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

Rated 4.17/5 (3799 Votes)

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

Rated 4.17/5 (3219 Votes)

Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.

Rated 4.18/5 (3983 Votes)

Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.

Rated 4.17/5 (2956 Votes)

Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

Rated 4.16/5 (4977 Votes)

Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

Rated 4.18/5 (3031 Votes)

Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.

Rated 4.18/5 (4216 Votes)

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Rated 4.09/5 (203 Votes)

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.

Rated 4.11/5 (415 Votes)

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Rated 4.19/5 (5480 Votes)

Chuck Norris never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction.

Rated 4.1/5 (283 Votes)

In 1991, Chuck Norris shot a 14 on an 18 hole golf course, falling short of his personal best by 2 strokes.

Rated 3.82/5 (136 Votes)

Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick ass at the same time.

Rated 3.84/5 (111 Votes)
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