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The closest Chuck Norris has come to getting his a** kicked was when he gave himself a dirty look in the mirror.

Rated 3.64/5 (25 Votes)

Chuck Norris' emotions regenerate twice as fast as a normal man's.

Rated 2/5 (19 Votes)

Chuck Norris can get there from here.

Rated 2/5 (23 Votes)

For every person you don`t kill Chuck Norris kills seven.

Rated 3.34/5 (32 Votes)

Chuck Norris once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.

Rated 3.88/5 (51 Votes)

When Chuck Norris goes hunting he doesn't bring his gun. The animals commit suicide.

Rated 3.82/5 (51 Votes)

If Superman and the Flash were to have a race around the world you know who would win? Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.74/5 (34 Votes)

In video games, the only cheat code that can beat God Mode, is Chuck Norris Mode.

Rated 4.02/5 (50 Votes)

Chuck Norris enters the Matrix with administrator as username.

Rated 3.89/5 (36 Votes)

Chuck Norris is watching you as we speak.

Rated 3.69/5 (29 Votes)

Chuck Norris once went deep-sea fishing and caught a great white shark...without bait or tackle....or a boat.

Rated 4.1/5 (39 Votes)

That wasn't an iceberg hitting and sinking the Titanic! That was just Chuck Norris happening to hit it while doing the back-stroke across the Atlantic Ocean.

Rated 2.6/5 (20 Votes)

The US was originally going to deploy Chuck Norris in Hiroshima and Nagasaki. But they then thought that sending Chuck Norris would be too inhumane, so they went with the nuclear bombs.

Rated 3.5/5 (18 Votes)

Those aren't stars you see in the nighttime sky, just people still zooming through space via a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick.

Rated 3.75/5 (20 Votes)

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder, he uses that gunpowder to make bullets, and uses those bullets to kill a cow and make more beef jerky, some people think of this as the circle of life.

Rated 2.95/5 (20 Votes)

The Universe keeps expanding because it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.65/5 (20 Votes)

If you think about Chuck Norris, he instantly becomes aware of you.

Rated 3.56/5 (18 Votes)

Chuck Norris once shot an unarmed man instead of fighting him. The man's family considered it an act so merciful that they petitioned the Vatican to grant Chuck Norris honorary sainthood. It was granted.

Rated 3.41/5 (22 Votes)

Chuck Norris needs a gun like God needs a psychic.

Rated 3.12/5 (17 Votes)

A man once tried to stab Chuck Norris in the stomach. Norris misunderstood, and thought the man was reaching for a handshake. He killed the man instantly.

Rated 2.35/5 (17 Votes)
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