Browse Through Our Collection of 5,191 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
In Chuck Norris's house there is no oven because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Rated 3.64/5 (25 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a six pack in his butt.
Rated 3.38/5 (26 Votes)
Staring at Chuck Norris for too long could end in blindness and possible foot-sized bruises.
Rated 3.73/5 (15 Votes)
Chuck Norris defeated GodZilla with just one hand.
Rated 2.89/5 (18 Votes)
Luke Skywalker didn't shoot a laser into the Death Star. He just shot Chuck Norris at high speed.
Rated 3.66/5 (29 Votes)
Ever wonder how Santa's reindeer were able to fly? The answer's quite simple, they all drank form the stream Chuck Norris peed in.
Rated 3.62/5 (26 Votes)
Once Arnold Swartzenager and Chuck Norris got in a huge fight. Arnold hasn't spoken the same since then.
Rated 3.67/5 (15 Votes)
Chuck Norris can charge a cell phone just by rubbing it against his beard.
Rated 3.48/5 (23 Votes)
Ben Stein didn't always speak in monotone, he accidentally called Chuck Norris "Cluck Norris" after a few too many glasses of wine and got a roundhouse kick to the voice box.
Rated 3.19/5 (16 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't drink water to cool him down he drinks lava from the Sun.
Rated 3.69/5 (16 Votes)
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak at a restaurant and the steak did what it was told.
Rated 3.48/5 (25 Votes)
When Chuck Norris spits out watermelon seeds, he puts a machine gun to shame.
Rated 3.88/5 (24 Votes)
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Rated 4.13/5 (2720 Votes)
Tough guys eat nails for breakfast, Chuck Norris does his food shopping at Home Depot.
Rated 3.5/5 (24 Votes)
Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, donít be offended or hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
Rated 4.04/5 (26 Votes)
The U.S. thought it would be less lethal to drop an atom bomb on Hiroshima than to send Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.41/5 (22 Votes)
Chuck Norris was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
Rated 3.79/5 (28 Votes)
If you freeze frame #3,000,547 of The Empire Strikes Back, you can actually see Chuck Norris cut off Luke Skywalker's hand with a Ginsu Knife.
Rated 3.74/5 (23 Votes)
While playing Chutes and Ladders, Chuck Norris treats the chutes as ladders, because heís not some wimp who canít climb up a plastic slide.
Rated 3.96/5 (55 Votes)
Chuck Norris once made a profit of $2,783 dollars when he opened a lemonade stand . . . in Feburary.
Rated 3.63/5 (24 Votes)