Browse Through Our Collection of 5,191 Chuck Norris Jokes
Browse through our full list of Chuck Norris Facts...
(listed from oldest to newest)
Chuck Norris doesn't need matches; his candles, barbecue pits, and fireplaces light up out of sheer terror.
Rated 3.86/5 (14 Votes)
Chuck Norris once kicked Jay Leno's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Grandfather in the chin.
Rated 3.14/5 (21 Votes)
Time ticks on out of fear that if it stops for even 1/999999999999999999th of a second, Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick it in the face.
Rated 2.92/5 (13 Votes)
Chuck Norris eats wood chips and shits 2x4's.
Rated 3.95/5 (20 Votes)
James Hetfield sleeps with one eye open... because of Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.55/5 (20 Votes)
Chuck Norris causes the floods of the Nile when he's dipping his toe... in the Mediterranean Sea.
Rated 3.06/5 (18 Votes)
Chuck Norris once appeared on an episode of American Gladiators. It was the shortest episode in history.
Rated 3.91/5 (22 Votes)
This would have been another great Chuck Norris joke, but Chuck already found me, stabbed me with my pen, and strangled me with the piece of paper I was writing the joke on.
Rated 3/5 (21 Votes)
Chuck Norris once smoked a cigarette, but he didn't get addicted to smoking. The cigarette got addicted to Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.94/5 (53 Votes)
Chuck Norris once killed 100 men with nothing but half a staple held with his front teeth.
Rated 3.5/5 (14 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't have any fire extinguishers anywhere in his home. He already HAS two fists.
Rated 2.82/5 (17 Votes)
Chuck Norris has never paid for groceries...EVER!
Rated 2.09/5 (22 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays poker with his cards facing the wrong way...AND WINS!
Rated 3.44/5 (18 Votes)
Chuck Norris said, "I'll hit you with so many rights your going to beg for a left."
Rated 2.27/5 (11 Votes)
All aliens were just former humans who were roundhouse kicked so hard by Chuck Norris their entire body became green and ugly.
Rated 2.67/5 (12 Votes)
Chuck Norris once played God at guitar hero on expert. It was a tie.
Rated 3.05/5 (19 Votes)
The only reason people are fat is because their belly is still swollen after getting punched by Chuck Norris.
Rated 3.14/5 (14 Votes)
Leopords have spots because Chuck Norris Punched them all.
Rated 3/5 (8 Votes)
Chuck Norris can read your lips while standing behind you.
Rated 4.12/5 (188 Votes)
Chuck Norriss' sense of smell is so good, he knows every dog by name.
Rated 3/5 (10 Votes)