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Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts

Here are the 40 newest Chuck Norris facts submitted by our visitors.

Mother nature checks with Chuck Norris before she can strike.

Rated 3.42/5 (55 Votes)

Chuck eats chick-fil-a on Sunday.

Rated 2.36/5 (28 Votes)

On the seventh day, God rested. But Chuck Norris worked out.

Rated 3.14/5 (36 Votes)

It took Chuck Norris 1/2 a lick to get to the center of a tootsie pop.

Rated 3.77/5 (61 Votes)

Chuck Norris is the reason Ninjas hide.

Rated 3.29/5 (34 Votes)

Chuck Norris can turbocharge an electric car.

Rated 3.28/5 (36 Votes)

Chuck Norris can see black people on Friends.

Rated 2.43/5 (23 Votes)

Any Card game Chuck Norris plays is no longer a game of chance but a game of certainty.

Rated 3.34/5 (29 Votes)

Pedro voted for Chuck Norris.

Rated 2.81/5 (27 Votes)

Chuck Norris possesses demons.

Rated 3.12/5 (25 Votes)

Chuck Norris alarm is always silent.

Rated 2.77/5 (30 Votes)

Sigmund Freud was talking to Chuck Norris about his theories of psychology. Withoit thinking, Freud asked Chuck Norris if he was afraid of anything. Chuck Norris looked at him and said, "Excuse me???" Thus the term "Fruedian Slip" became a psychological term.

Rated 3.27/5 (30 Votes)

The Incredible Hulk is Green because he envies Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.55/5 (51 Votes)

Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling match with both hands tied behind his back.

Rated 3.13/5 (31 Votes)

Chuck Norris uses sulfuric acid as mouth wash.

Rated 2.7/5 (23 Votes)

The movie anaconda is actually based on Chuck Norris's first sexual experience.

Rated 2.3/5 (23 Votes)

When Chuck Norris and the Pope meet up, the pope confesses to Chuck Norris.

Rated 2.69/5 (29 Votes)

When the Zombie Apocalypse happens, the zonbies aren't running at you, they are all running away from Chuck Norris.

Rated 2.83/5 (24 Votes)

When Chuck Norris goes to heaven, he opens the gate on his own.

Rated 3.07/5 (30 Votes)

A blanket uses Chuck Norris to stay warm.

Rated 3.37/5 (41 Votes)

Chuck Norris can swim in lava.

Rated 2.46/5 (26 Votes)

Gordon Ramsey was Chuck Norris' cook.

Rated 2.28/5 (29 Votes)

Chuck Norris recorded a 6 hour vine video and uploaded it in 6 seconds.

Rated 2.77/5 (30 Votes)

Life insurance companies have Chuck Norris policies.

Rated 3.63/5 (63 Votes)

Chuck Norris abducts aliens.

Rated 3.84/5 (108 Votes)

Chuck Norris can build sandcastles under water

Rated 3.63/5 (76 Votes)

Chuck Norris once felt fear. Then he roundhouse kicked the mirror.

Rated 3.32/5 (243 Votes)

Chuck Norris can dial your phone number on the microwave.

Rated 3.72/5 (86 Votes)

"Crème de la crème" is a term directly related to Chuck Norris' groin.

Rated 2.87/5 (46 Votes)

For Thanksgiving, Chuck Norris roasts his turkey by opening up a small portal in to hell.

Rated 3.25/5 (48 Votes)

Chuck Norris can squeeze a turnip out of blood.

Rated 2.73/5 (48 Votes)

The deer and the antelope can only roam where Chuck Norris says they can.

Rated 2.83/5 (46 Votes)

Chuck Norris can "shit fire and save matches"!

Rated 2.73/5 (44 Votes)

Chuck Norris is so hot, he breathes fire to cool off.

Rated 3.46/5 (50 Votes)

Chuck Norris beat "Through the fire and the flames" on Expert with a broken NES controller.

Rated 3.68/5 (151 Votes)

Chuck Norris can kick start a bicycle...

Rated 3.42/5 (364 Votes)

The shortest distance between two points is whatever route Chuck takes.

Rated 3.74/5 (184 Votes)

Chuck Norris can squeeze carbon out of diamond.

Rated 3.5/5 (54 Votes)

Chuck Norris entered American Idol and won the X-Factor.

Rated 3.89/5 (197 Votes)

Chuck Norris frisks TSA agents before he boards a plane.

Rated 3.22/5 (59 Votes)