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Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts

Here are the 40 newest Chuck Norris facts submitted by our visitors.

Life insurance companies have Chuck Norris policies.

Rated 4.07/5 (45 Votes)

Chuck Norris abducts aliens.

Rated 4.42/5 (45 Votes)

Chuck Norris can build sandcastles under water

Rated 3.9/5 (51 Votes)

Chuck Norris once felt fear. Then he roundhouse kicked the mirror.

Rated 3.39/5 (219 Votes)

Chuck Norris can dial your phone number on the microwave.

Rated 4.05/5 (38 Votes)

"Crème de la crème" is a term directly related to Chuck Norris' groin.

Rated 3.23/5 (22 Votes)

For Thanksgiving, Chuck Norris roasts his turkey by opening up a small portal in to hell.

Rated 3.6/5 (30 Votes)

Chuck Norris can squeeze a turnip out of blood.

Rated 3.13/5 (24 Votes)

The deer and the antelope can only roam where Chuck Norris says they can.

Rated 3.17/5 (23 Votes)

Chuck Norris can "shit fire and save matches"!

Rated 2.88/5 (24 Votes)

Chuck Norris is so hot, he breathes fire to cool off.

Rated 4/5 (25 Votes)

Chuck Norris beat "Through the fire and the flames" on Expert with a broken NES controller.

Rated 3.8/5 (132 Votes)

Chuck Norris can kick start a bicycle...

Rated 3.46/5 (336 Votes)

The shortest distance between two points is whatever route Chuck takes.

Rated 3.83/5 (164 Votes)

Chuck Norris can squeeze carbon out of diamond.

Rated 3.9/5 (30 Votes)

Chuck Norris entered American Idol and won the X-Factor.

Rated 4.13/5 (142 Votes)

Chuck Norris frisks TSA agents before he boards a plane.

Rated 3.57/5 (30 Votes)

When Chuck Norris robs a store, the cops are standing at the door saying ''good luck with the money''.

Rated 2.9/5 (40 Votes)

Using Chuck Norris in a war is a violation of human rights.

Rated 4.06/5 (178 Votes)

Chuck Norris got back together with Taylor Swift.

Rated 3.33/5 (49 Votes)

Chuck Norris can skip the copyright notices on his DVDs.

Rated 3.1/5 (325 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't drive cars, he flies trains.

Rated 3.29/5 (289 Votes)

When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, Chuck Norris makes apple sauce.

Rated 3.35/5 (264 Votes)

Dana White has never offered Chuck Norris a UFC contract out of concern for the well being of his fighters.

Rated 3.13/5 (205 Votes)

Chuck Norris' hands are protected under the 2nd Amendment.

Rated 3.33/5 (215 Votes)

When Chuck Norris snaps his fingers, Fonzie shows up.

Rated 3.52/5 (212 Votes)

Trains stop at Chuck Norris crossings.

Rated 3.88/5 (218 Votes)

Chuck Norris can knit the softest sweater using electrical pylons.

Rated 3.24/5 (186 Votes)

Chuck Norris's GPS never tells him to turn around.

Rated 3.71/5 (199 Votes)

When Chuck Norris throws a boomerang, it doesn't come back.

Rated 3.81/5 (202 Votes)

Gum won't stick to Chuck Norris's shoe.

Rated 3.38/5 (163 Votes)

Chuck Norris can send a text message using a rotary phone.

Rated 3.98/5 (200 Votes)

Chuck Norris makes Spock cry.

Rated 3.54/5 (147 Votes)

Chuck Norris audits the IRS.

Rated 3.71/5 (149 Votes)

Rocks trip on Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.93/5 (148 Votes)

When Chuck Norris lost his first tooth, the tooth fairy put it under her pillow.

Rated 3.56/5 (158 Votes)

Chuck Norris' dog is a Velociraptor.

Rated 3.61/5 (160 Votes)

Chuck Norris NEVER Has An Opinion.

Rated 2.75/5 (178 Votes)

Chuck Norris doesn't run with the bulls. The bulls run with Chuck Norris.

Rated 3.12/5 (156 Votes)

Chuck Norris can capitalize numbers.

Rated 3.87/5 (204 Votes)

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