Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts
Here are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts).
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
While other children were playing in sand, Chuck was playing in concrete.
Why hasn't a video game been made about Chuck Norris? Simple: nobody controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can finish an entire bottle of milk in 5 seconds. Using a fork.
Chuck Norris makes fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
Rated 4.27/5 (1014 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Rated 4.28/5 (1663 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris once single handedly killed 97 Afghan terrorists using his M-16 assault rifle. Then he flipped off the safety switch and shot 500 more of them.
There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris once fought superman. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
The First Law of Thermodynamics states that energy can neither be created nor destroyed... unless it meets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented Chuck Norris jokes, but he never submitted any because Chuck Norris submits to no one.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Rated 4.24/5 (6522 Votes)
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.23/5 (1117 Votes)
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Rated 4.24/5 (3924 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Rated 4.24/5 (4539 Votes)
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Rated 4.22/5 (2938 Votes)
Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman's life.
Obama said, "Yes we can." Chuck Norris says, "I already did.".
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Rated 4.22/5 (3285 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Rated 4.22/5 (4977 Votes)
Cars look both ways before Chuck Norris crosses the street.
Chuck Norris can drift on a horse.
Chuck Norris can make a happy meal cry.
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Rated 4.21/5 (3405 Votes)
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Rated 4.21/5 (5129 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Rated 4.21/5 (3043 Votes)
Chuck Norris once robbed a gun store with a knife.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack...
even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Rated 4.19/5 (4394 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Rated 4.19/5 (3591 Votes)
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is
brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Rated 4.18/5 (3260 Votes)
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad
he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Rated 4.19/5 (3811 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Rated 4.19/5 (3919 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Rated 4.19/5 (3494 Votes)
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Rated 4.19/5 (2399 Votes)
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rated 4.19/5 (5464 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Rated 4.19/5 (3971 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.19/5 (2235 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.19/5 (4107 Votes)
Chuck Norris wrecked his bicycle and skinned the sidewalk with his knee.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Rated 4.18/5 (2834 Votes)
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rated 4.18/5 (3617 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Rated 4.18/5 (3540 Votes)
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Rated 4.18/5 (3319 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Rated 4.18/5 (4437 Votes)
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Rated 4.18/5 (3647 Votes)
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Rated 4.18/5 (3773 Votes)
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Rated 4.18/5 (3206 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Rated 4.18/5 (2564 Votes)
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Rated 4.18/5 (3812 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Rated 4.18/5 (4202 Votes)
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Rated 4.18/5 (3018 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Rated 4.18/5 (2943 Votes)
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Rated 4.18/5 (3200 Votes)
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Rated 4.18/5 (4231 Votes)
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Rated 4.18/5 (3668 Votes)
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Rated 4.18/5 (1808 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Rated 4.17/5 (2391 Votes)
Mistakes learn from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can dial your phone number on the microwave.
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Rated 4.17/5 (3474 Votes)
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Rated 4.17/5 (3746 Votes)
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rated 4.17/5 (3786 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Rated 4.17/5 (2981 Votes)
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Rated 4.17/5 (3427 Votes)
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Rated 4.17/5 (3156 Votes)
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Rated 4.16/5 (2829 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Rated 4.16/5 (3163 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Rated 4.16/5 (2969 Votes)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Rated 4.16/5 (2972 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Rated 4.16/5 (4280 Votes)
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Rated 4.16/5 (4962 Votes)
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Rated 4.16/5 (3540 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Rated 4.16/5 (2858 Votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Rated 4.16/5 (2960 Votes)
Chuck Norris entered American Idol and won the X-Factor.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Rated 4.15/5 (2737 Votes)
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Rated 4.15/5 (2700 Votes)
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Rated 4.15/5 (4823 Votes)
Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
Rated 4.15/5 (2852 Votes)
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Rated 4.15/5 (3920 Votes)
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.15/5 (2776 Votes)
Chuck Norris runs Windows Vista on his Etch-a-Sketch.
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Rated 4.15/5 (4220 Votes)
Chuck Norris can divide by roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris once robbed himself and doubled his profit.
Chuck Norris can literally throw a party.
It takes Chuck Norris 15 seconds to cook Minute Rice.
Chuck Norris once walked into a sauna. The sauna couldn't take the heat.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Rated 4.14/5 (3073 Votes)
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Rated 4.14/5 (2325 Votes)
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Rated 4.14/5 (1970 Votes)