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Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts

Here are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts).

When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Rated 4.2/5 (1693 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Rated 4.21/5 (1734 Votes)
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Rated 4.23/5 (6597 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
Rated 4.19/5 (1087 Votes)
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Rated 4.22/5 (3992 Votes)



Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Rated 4.22/5 (4587 Votes)
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Rated 4.2/5 (2983 Votes)
There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Rated 4.18/5 (885 Votes)
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (1201 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Rated 4.2/5 (5024 Votes)
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Rated 4.2/5 (3310 Votes)
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Rated 4.2/5 (3430 Votes)
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Rated 4.21/5 (5157 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Rated 4.2/5 (3064 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Rated 4.19/5 (4328 Votes)
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Rated 4.2/5 (3627 Votes)
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.19/5 (2914 Votes)
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack... even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.19/5 (2486 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Rated 4.19/5 (3610 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Rated 4.18/5 (3942 Votes)
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Rated 4.18/5 (2415 Votes)
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rated 4.19/5 (5488 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Rated 4.19/5 (6273 Votes)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Rated 4.19/5 (3411 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.18/5 (4128 Votes)



Chuck Norris once fought superman. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
Rated 4.1/5 (353 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Rated 4.18/5 (4414 Votes)
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Rated 4.17/5 (2853 Votes)
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rated 4.18/5 (3626 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Rated 4.18/5 (3563 Votes)
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Rated 4.18/5 (3281 Votes)
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Rated 4.18/5 (3832 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Rated 4.18/5 (3509 Votes)
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Rated 4.17/5 (3797 Votes)
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Rated 4.18/5 (3225 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Rated 4.17/5 (2581 Votes)
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Rated 4.18/5 (3831 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Rated 4.18/5 (4221 Votes)
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Rated 4.17/5 (3037 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Rated 4.17/5 (2959 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Rated 4.18/5 (3985 Votes)
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Rated 4.18/5 (4246 Votes)
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Rated 4.18/5 (1821 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.17/5 (2249 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Rated 4.17/5 (2407 Votes)
Chuck Norris wins games of charades without moving.
Rated 3.39/5 (23 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.
Rated 4.15/5 (355 Votes)
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Rated 4.16/5 (3493 Votes)
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Rated 4.17/5 (3343 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Rated 4.17/5 (4452 Votes)
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Rated 4.17/5 (3661 Votes)
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Rated 4.17/5 (3764 Votes)
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Rated 4.17/5 (3223 Votes)
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rated 4.17/5 (3800 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Rated 4.17/5 (3002 Votes)
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Rated 4.16/5 (3689 Votes)
Cars look both ways before Chuck Norris crosses the street.
Rated 4.07/5 (281 Votes)
Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you in the back of your head while clipping his toe nails.
Rated 3.6/5 (30 Votes)
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Rated 4.16/5 (2839 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Rated 4.16/5 (3175 Votes)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Rated 4.15/5 (2992 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Rated 4.16/5 (4292 Votes)
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Rated 4.16/5 (4980 Votes)
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Rated 4.16/5 (3550 Votes)
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Rated 4.16/5 (3441 Votes)
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Rated 4.16/5 (3167 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Rated 4.16/5 (2871 Votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Rated 4.15/5 (2971 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Rated 4.14/5 (2756 Votes)
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Rated 4.15/5 (4836 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Rated 4.15/5 (2983 Votes)
Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
Rated 4.14/5 (2863 Votes)
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Rated 4.14/5 (4235 Votes)
Obama said, "Yes we can." Chuck Norris says, "I already did.".
Rated 4.07/5 (240 Votes)
Chuck Norris once robbed a gun store with a knife.
Rated 4.1/5 (236 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't lie. He simply changes the truth.
Rated 3.65/5 (26 Votes)
Chuck Norris recorded the making of the first video camera.
Rated 4.1/5 (556 Votes)
Chuck Norris can make a happy meal cry.
Rated 4.1/5 (208 Votes)
Tsunamis are created by Chuck Norris practicing round house kicks on the beach.
Rated 3.81/5 (16 Votes)
Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a baby. Once on Hiroshima and the other on Nagasaki.
Rated 3.86/5 (58 Votes)
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Rated 4.14/5 (2713 Votes)
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Rated 4.14/5 (3081 Votes)
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Rated 4.14/5 (3929 Votes)
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.14/5 (2793 Votes)
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Rated 4.14/5 (2846 Votes)
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Rated 4.14/5 (2822 Votes)
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
Rated 4.13/5 (988 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill you 101 different ways with a roll of extra-soft toilet paper.
Rated 3.67/5 (42 Votes)
Every one of Chuck Norris blood cells have black belts.
Rated 3.92/5 (61 Votes)
Global warming will end as soon as Chuck Norris puts his shirt back on.
Rated 3.92/5 (38 Votes)
You can die from looking at Slenderman too much. Slenderman can die from thinking of Chuck Norris too much.
Rated 4/5 (169 Votes)
Chuck Norris uses hot sauce as eye drops.
Rated 4.05/5 (113 Votes)
Chuck Norris played tug of war with himself and won.
Rated 3.83/5 (40 Votes)
Chuck Norris brought a knife to a gunfight. He is still waiting for an opponent.
Rated 3.97/5 (39 Votes)
Chuck Norris never fails, he tells success to come back when its ready for him.
Rated 4.09/5 (154 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat a black hole in tug of war.
Rated 4.01/5 (99 Votes)
In space Chuck Norris can hear you scream.
Rated 4.06/5 (158 Votes)
Chuck Norris can follow you into a revolving door and come out ahead of you.
Rated 4.04/5 (97 Votes)
Elvis Presley, Richard Petty, Budweiser, and Michael Jackson all call Chuck Norris "The King".
Rated 4.09/5 (58 Votes)
The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.
Rated 4.06/5 (228 Votes)