Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts
Here are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts).
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Rated 4.21/5 (6691 Votes)
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Rated 4.19/5 (4062 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Rated 4.18/5 (3381 Votes)
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Rated 4.19/5 (5203 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Rated 4.18/5 (3100 Votes)
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Rated 4.17/5 (3044 Votes)
Chuck Norris did the impossible, then proceeded to make it breakfast the next morning.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Rated 4.18/5 (5093 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Rated 4.17/5 (4370 Votes)
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Rated 4.18/5 (3466 Votes)
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rated 4.18/5 (5516 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Rated 4.17/5 (4006 Votes)
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Rated 4.18/5 (3671 Votes)
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (2939 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Rated 4.18/5 (6301 Votes)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Rated 4.17/5 (3439 Votes)
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack...
even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (2508 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Rated 4.17/5 (4435 Votes)
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rated 4.16/5 (3649 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Rated 4.17/5 (3643 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Rated 4.16/5 (4470 Votes)
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad
he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Rated 4.17/5 (3854 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Rated 4.17/5 (3965 Votes)
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Rated 4.16/5 (3675 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Rated 4.17/5 (3527 Votes)
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Rated 4.16/5 (3816 Votes)
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Rated 4.16/5 (3242 Votes)
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Rated 4.17/5 (3854 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Rated 4.17/5 (4238 Votes)
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Rated 4.17/5 (4264 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (4151 Votes)
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Rated 4.16/5 (2871 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Rated 4.16/5 (3588 Votes)
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Rated 4.15/5 (3363 Votes)
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is
brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Rated 4.16/5 (3305 Votes)
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Rated 4.15/5 (3784 Votes)
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Rated 4.16/5 (2435 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Rated 4.16/5 (2605 Votes)
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Rated 4.16/5 (3057 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Rated 4.16/5 (2975 Votes)
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Rated 4.15/5 (3240 Votes)
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rated 4.16/5 (3823 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Rated 4.16/5 (3021 Votes)
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Rated 4.16/5 (3703 Votes)
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Rated 4.15/5 (1841 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Rated 4.15/5 (2425 Votes)
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Rated 4.15/5 (2856 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Rated 4.15/5 (3187 Votes)
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Rated 4.15/5 (3510 Votes)
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Rated 4.15/5 (4854 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Rated 4.15/5 (4308 Votes)
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Rated 4.15/5 (4995 Votes)
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Rated 4.15/5 (3566 Votes)
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Rated 4.15/5 (3455 Votes)
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Rated 4.15/5 (3185 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Rated 4.14/5 (2888 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.15/5 (2271 Votes)
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Rated 4.13/5 (1809 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Rated 4.14/5 (3002 Votes)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Rated 4.14/5 (3010 Votes)
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Rated 4.14/5 (3949 Votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Rated 4.14/5 (2991 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to a magic show. The magician asked for a volunteer for his disappearing act. Chuck Norris raised his hand and the magician disappeared.
Chuck Norris can put 10 pounds of potatoes in a 5 pound sack.
When Smokey the bear says "only you can prevent forest fires" he was talking to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can tear a facebook page.
When Chuck Norris plays pacman, the ghosts run away from him.
In eating contests, Chuck Norris calmly waits for everyone else to become fully stuffed. Then he eats the person who ate the most.
Chuck Norris wouldnt be afraid to show his feminine side, if he had one.
Chunk Norris can rip a page out of facebook.
When Chuck Norris is in Rome, they do what he does.
Chuck Norris knows the meaning of life, he just doesn't want to tell you.
When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he returns them for a refund.
Chuck Norris can make dogs meow and cats bark.
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Rated 4.13/5 (2771 Votes)
Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
Rated 4.12/5 (2177 Votes)
If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
Rated 4.13/5 (2590 Votes)
Chuck Norris counted to infinity, backwards.
In a fight between Batman and Superman the winner is Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris plays Rock Paper scissor shoot. His rock bashes through the paper, his scissors will cut your rock and his paper will give your scissors a paper cut.
Chuck Norris can lick both his elbows at the same time.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Rated 4.13/5 (2724 Votes)
Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
Rated 4.13/5 (2879 Votes)
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Rated 4.13/5 (3097 Votes)
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Rated 4.12/5 (2135 Votes)
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Rated 4.13/5 (2338 Votes)
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.13/5 (2809 Votes)
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Rated 4.12/5 (1985 Votes)
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Rated 4.13/5 (3397 Votes)
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Rated 4.13/5 (4257 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows the ultimate fate of the universe. For him it's not a theory, it's a decision he must make.
Chuck Norris has a stuntdouble for crying scenes.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Rated 4.11/5 (2979 Votes)
Ninjas can dodge rain drops, but Chuck Norris can dodge air.
Chuck Norris once killed 37 terrorists with only 2 bullets....the first bullet was a warning shot.
Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he allows the air to enter his nose.
Chuck Norris went into a maze... the maze got lost.
Chuck Norris can pull a hat out of a rabbit.
Hercules strangled two snakes in his crib when he was a baby. Chuck Norris strangled a grizzly bear moments after birth with his own umbilical cord.