Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts
Here are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts).
Chuck Norris always gets a 21 while playing blackjack no matter how many times he "hits".
Chuck Norris figured out the ending to The Sixth Sense while the opening credits were still on the screen.
Jack Nicholson tells Chuck Norris that he "CAN handle the truth".
A Zombie once bit Chuck Norris. He was immediatly healed back to life.. Then Chuck Norris killed him.
Chuck Norris once hosted American's Most Wanted. Every wanted man on the planet turned himself in before the first commercial break.
Chuck Norris once skipped a rock across the Potomac River, which landed in Washington, as the Lincoln Monument.
Chuck Norris can hold his breath longer than air.
Chuck Norris told The Fox what to say.
The only time Chuck Norris made a mistake is when he thought he made a mistake.
All Chuck Norris jokes are rated five stars. because the contain the words Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's hand is the only thing that can beat a royal flush.
Chuck Norris once killed 100 enemy soldiers with a twig and the twig did not break.
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect4 with only 3 moves.
Chuck Norris can play World of Warcraft with an NES controller.
The google easter egg "Chuck Norris" dosent work anymore because there was too many fatalities.
Godzilla is Chuck Norris's pet lizard.
If Chuck Norris and The Most Interesting Man In The World had a baby it would look like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris and Hitler were at a diner having a conversation when Chuck Norris says " I hate juice ". Hitler misunderstood him.
Google was created because Chuck Norris does not have time to answer everyone.
Zeus retired when Chuck Norris arrived on earth.
Chuck Norris spies on the NSA.
Kids read comics about Superman. Superman reads comics about Chuck Norris.
The early bird might get the worm but Chuck Norris gets the early bird.
Chuck Norris only knows what pain is because he inflicts it.
Chuck Norris tells the sun when to set.
Some people link everything to Kevin Bacon. They've never heard of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once had a staring contest with Slenderman..... He won.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris let live.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Rated 4.21/5 (6658 Votes)
Usain Bolt broke the 100m record by accident because he was trying to run away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Hercules had 13 labors. His 13th one was fighting Chuck Norris. But because he was beaten up so badly, people only talk about the first 12.
Chuck Norris once fought the Six Million Dollar Man, RoboCop, and Megatron. He recycled afterwards.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Rated 4.19/5 (3337 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Rated 4.19/5 (5082 Votes)
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Rated 4.19/5 (3455 Votes)
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Rated 4.19/5 (3651 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Rated 4.19/5 (3084 Votes)
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Rated 4.18/5 (3030 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Rated 4.18/5 (3632 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Rated 4.18/5 (4346 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Rated 4.17/5 (3524 Votes)
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rated 4.18/5 (5508 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Rated 4.18/5 (3999 Votes)
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.18/5 (2935 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Rated 4.18/5 (6295 Votes)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Rated 4.18/5 (3432 Votes)
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack...
even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (2506 Votes)
Chuck Norris has found a needle in every haystack.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Rated 4.17/5 (4431 Votes)
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rated 4.17/5 (3645 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Rated 4.17/5 (3584 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Rated 4.17/5 (4465 Votes)
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad
he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Rated 4.17/5 (3853 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Rated 4.17/5 (3956 Votes)
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Rated 4.17/5 (3673 Votes)
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Rated 4.17/5 (3811 Votes)
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Rated 4.17/5 (3237 Votes)
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Rated 4.17/5 (3847 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Rated 4.17/5 (4235 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Rated 4.16/5 (2973 Votes)
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Rated 4.17/5 (4262 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.17/5 (4148 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Rated 4.15/5 (2422 Votes)
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Rated 4.16/5 (2850 Votes)
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Rated 4.16/5 (2870 Votes)
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Rated 4.15/5 (3505 Votes)
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Rated 4.16/5 (3360 Votes)
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is
brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Rated 4.16/5 (3302 Votes)
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Rated 4.16/5 (3779 Votes)
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Rated 4.16/5 (2433 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Rated 4.16/5 (2602 Votes)
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Rated 4.16/5 (3055 Votes)
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Rated 4.16/5 (3239 Votes)
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rated 4.16/5 (3815 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Rated 4.16/5 (3018 Votes)
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Rated 4.15/5 (3454 Votes)
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Rated 4.16/5 (3701 Votes)
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Rated 4.16/5 (1838 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.16/5 (2267 Votes)
Chuck Norris sucks blood from a vampire.
Chuck Norris can shove your teeth so far down your throat that you need to sit on food to eat it.
Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn. He just stares at the grass and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Rated 4.15/5 (3185 Votes)
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Rated 4.15/5 (4852 Votes)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Rated 4.14/5 (3006 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Rated 4.15/5 (4305 Votes)
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Rated 4.15/5 (4992 Votes)
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Rated 4.15/5 (3562 Votes)
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Rated 4.15/5 (3180 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Rated 4.15/5 (2887 Votes)
Chuck Norris once participated in the running with bulls...he walked.
Chuck Norris eats teddy grahams and craps out grizzly bears.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Rated 4.14/5 (1806 Votes)
Chuck Norris can paste before he copies.
Chuck Norris went skydiving and his parachute didn't open. He returned it the next day.
When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Rated 4.14/5 (2997 Votes)