Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts
Here are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts).
Chuck Norris once robbed a gun store with a knife.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.
Chuck Norris makes fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris abducts aliens.
Obama said, "Yes we can." Chuck Norris says, "I already did.".
While other children were playing in sand, Chuck was playing in concrete.
Chuck Norris once fought superman. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
Chuck Norris once robbed himself and doubled his profit.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
Chuck Norris invented Chuck Norris jokes, but he never submitted any because Chuck Norris submits to no one.
Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman's life.
Why hasn't a video game been made about Chuck Norris? Simple: nobody controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Rated 4.29/5 (1577 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris wrecked his bicycle and skinned the sidewalk with his knee.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.26/5 (1059 Votes)
Chuck Norris can inhale through his nose and mouth at the same time.
Chuck Norris never fails, he tells success to come back when its ready for him.
Chuck Norris can make a happy meal cry.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Rated 4.24/5 (6460 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Rated 4.24/5 (4485 Votes)
You can die from looking at Slenderman too much. Slenderman can die from thinking of Chuck Norris too much.
When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he returns them for a refund.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Rated 4.23/5 (3863 Votes)
Santa's elves have evolved to become short in an effort to duck Chuck Norris' Roundhouse Kick at Xmas visits. As yet, it hasn't worked.
In space Chuck Norris can hear you scream.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Rated 4.22/5 (3222 Votes)
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Rated 4.22/5 (2874 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Rated 4.22/5 (4917 Votes)
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Rated 4.21/5 (3361 Votes)
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Rated 4.21/5 (5078 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Rated 4.21/5 (2988 Votes)
Cars look both ways before Chuck Norris crosses the street.
If you leave this site Chuck Norris will find you.
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack...
even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
When Sir Edmund Hillary and Tenzin Norgay reached the top of Mount Everest, they saw Chuck Norris peeing off the summit into the Pacific Ocean.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad
he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Chuck Norris was almost in the movie "Mission Impossible", but they would've had to change the name to "Mission Accomplished.".
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can paste before he copies.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to go through airport security. No terrorist would ever get on a plane
with Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Rated 4.19/5 (4350 Votes)
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Rated 4.19/5 (2795 Votes)
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rated 4.19/5 (3582 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Rated 4.19/5 (3553 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Rated 4.19/5 (3883 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Rated 4.19/5 (3467 Votes)
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Rated 4.19/5 (2361 Votes)
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Rated 4.19/5 (3743 Votes)
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Rated 4.19/5 (3174 Votes)
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rated 4.19/5 (5422 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Rated 4.18/5 (4165 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Rated 4.19/5 (3929 Votes)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Rated 4.19/5 (3341 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.19/5 (4071 Votes)
Chuck Norris can drink hot wax and crap crayons.
If you can't beat them, join them. Chuck Norris joins them, and then beats them.
When Chuck Norris goes jogging every morning he's actually maintaining earth rotation.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Rated 4.18/5 (3493 Votes)
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Rated 4.18/5 (3280 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Rated 4.18/5 (4400 Votes)
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is
brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Rated 4.18/5 (3225 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Rated 4.18/5 (2536 Votes)
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Rated 4.18/5 (3789 Votes)
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Rated 4.18/5 (2986 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Rated 4.18/5 (2914 Votes)
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Rated 4.18/5 (3172 Votes)
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Rated 4.18/5 (4212 Votes)
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Rated 4.18/5 (3642 Votes)
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Rated 4.18/5 (1774 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.18/5 (2195 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Rated 4.17/5 (2353 Votes)
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Rated 4.17/5 (2804 Votes)
Chuck Norris is friends with everyone on XBOXLIVE.
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Rated 4.17/5 (3429 Votes)
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Rated 4.17/5 (3608 Votes)
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Rated 4.17/5 (3717 Votes)
The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rated 4.17/5 (3761 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Rated 4.17/5 (2950 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
Chunk Norris can rip a page out of facebook.
The ancient Mayans predicted that on December, 21 2012 Chuck Norris would get angry.
Chuck Norris' Atari can play Playstation 3 games.
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Rated 4.16/5 (3137 Votes)
Chuck Norris once walked into a sauna. The sauna couldn't take the heat.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Rated 4.15/5 (2676 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Rated 4.16/5 (2943 Votes)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Rated 4.16/5 (2941 Votes)
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Rated 4.15/5 (3050 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Rated 4.16/5 (4255 Votes)
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a piano
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Rated 4.16/5 (4921 Votes)
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Rated 4.16/5 (3505 Votes)