Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts
Here are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts).
Chuck Norris can kick start a bicycle...
Chuck Norris doesn't make chocolate milk, he tells his cow to.
Chuck Norris once felt fear. Then he roundhouse kicked the mirror.
The shortest distance between two points is whatever route Chuck takes.
Using Chuck Norris in a war is a violation of human rights.
Chuck Norris can hear faster than the speed of sound.
The 'Most Interesting Man in the World' is a member of the Chuck Norris fan club.
Cars look both ways before Chuck Norris crosses the street.
The first law of Chuck states: a roundhouse in motion stays in motion until acted upon by the face of anyone opposing Chuck.
Chuck Norris beat "Through the fire and the flames" on Expert with a broken NES controller.
Chuck Norris walked into a bar. The bar said "ouch".
Chuck Norris once fought superman. The loser had to wear his underwear over his pants.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about high gas prices. His vehicles run on fear.
Chuck Norris can only punch you in the face once, because the second time you wont have a face.
Chuck Norris entered American Idol and won the X-Factor.
Chuck Norris never fails, he tells success to come back when its ready for him.
Chuck Norris makes fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together.
People Are often Quick to point out that Chuck Norris lost to Bruce Lee in the movie "Enter the Dragon" What they fail to realize is that Bruce Lee Died not long after that movie was made under "Mysterious Circumstances" and after that Chuck started doing more realistic movies where he never loses.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Rated 4.29/5 (1554 Votes)
D-Day was Chuck Norris's Boy Scout Eagle project.
Chuck Norris owns and operates a family restaurant in Waco, TX. The only item on the menu is a knuckle sandwich.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Rated 4.29/5 (1526 Votes)
Chuck Norris can give you THREE black eyes.
Chuck Norris wrecked his bicycle and skinned the sidewalk with his knee.
Chuck Norris practices Chuckkwondo becuase Taekwondo implies that a fight ends in a draw.
Chuck Norris has inside jokes with complete strangers.
The world did not have a tilt in its axis until Chuck Norris stubbed his toe on the North Pole.
Chuck Norris can fit eleven gallons of ice cream into his ten gallon hat.
Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people, then it exploded.
Rated 4.24/5 (6442 Votes)
There once was a street called Chuck Norris, but the name was changed for public safety because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
Chuck Norris invented Chuck Norris jokes, but he never submitted any because Chuck Norris submits to no one.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.27/5 (1037 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Rated 4.24/5 (4468 Votes)
When Steven Hawking saw Chuck Norris coming his way, he got up and ran for shelter.
Chuck Norris once robbed himself and doubled his profit.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Rated 4.23/5 (3842 Votes)
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Rated 4.22/5 (3204 Votes)
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Rated 4.22/5 (2857 Votes)
Chuck Norris narrates Morgan Freeman's life.
Chuck Norris does not obey the speed limit, because you cannot put a limit on Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Rated 4.22/5 (4902 Votes)
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Rated 4.21/5 (3345 Votes)
Chuck Norris's balls have balls.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Rated 4.21/5 (5053 Votes)
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Rated 4.21/5 (2976 Votes)
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack...
even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Rated 4.19/5 (4338 Votes)
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad
he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.
Rated 4.19/5 (2344 Votes)
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Rated 4.19/5 (3728 Votes)
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Rated 4.19/5 (3161 Votes)
When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Rated 4.19/5 (3324 Votes)
Why hasn't a video game been made about Chuck Norris? Simple: nobody controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Rated 4.19/5 (2782 Votes)
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rated 4.19/5 (3567 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Rated 4.19/5 (3543 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Rated 4.18/5 (3475 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Rated 4.18/5 (4385 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Rated 4.19/5 (3866 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Rated 4.19/5 (3454 Votes)
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Rated 4.18/5 (3773 Votes)
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rated 4.19/5 (5407 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Rated 4.19/5 (4152 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Rated 4.18/5 (2901 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Rated 4.19/5 (3914 Votes)
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Rated 4.18/5 (4199 Votes)
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Rated 4.18/5 (3624 Votes)
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Rated 4.18/5 (2179 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.19/5 (4055 Votes)
You can die from looking at Slenderman too much. Slenderman can die from thinking of Chuck Norris too much.
In space Chuck Norris can hear you scream.
Chuck Norris can make a happy meal cry.
Chuck Norris once asked government authorities if they wanted him to be another form of capital punishment.
Chuck Norris can chew his own head off.
You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make him eat Tequila jello shots.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Rated 4.17/5 (2794 Votes)
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Rated 4.17/5 (3411 Votes)
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Rated 4.18/5 (3259 Votes)
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is
brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Rated 4.18/5 (3209 Votes)
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Rated 4.17/5 (3593 Votes)
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Rated 4.17/5 (3703 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Rated 4.18/5 (2520 Votes)
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Rated 4.18/5 (2972 Votes)
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Rated 4.18/5 (3154 Votes)
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rated 4.17/5 (3746 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Rated 4.17/5 (2936 Votes)
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Rated 4.18/5 (1757 Votes)
Obama said, "Yes we can." Chuck Norris says, "I already did.".
Chuck Norris once robbed a gun store with a knife.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Rated 4.17/5 (2338 Votes)
Klondike Bars do things for Chuck Norris.
While other children were playing in sand, Chuck was playing in concrete.
Chuck Norris can kill all of a cat's nine lives at once.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.
When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he returns them for a refund.
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Rated 4.16/5 (3119 Votes)