Top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes - Facts
Here are the top 100 Chuck Norris Jokes (Facts).
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Rated 4.27/5 (837 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Rated 4.25/5 (1281 Votes)
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Rated 4.25/5 (885 Votes)
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is
brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Rated 4.25/5 (825 Votes)
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Rated 4.24/5 (2088 Votes)
When Chuck was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" Chuck received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
Rated 4.24/5 (1988 Votes)
Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. No one fools Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.24/5 (990 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
Rated 4.24/5 (921 Votes)
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Rated 4.24/5 (881 Votes)
Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Rated 4.23/5 (1692 Votes)
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Rated 4.23/5 (1596 Votes)
Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
Rated 4.23/5 (1478 Votes)
Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.
Rated 4.23/5 (1355 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Rated 4.23/5 (1352 Votes)
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
Rated 4.23/5 (1295 Votes)
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Rated 4.23/5 (1244 Votes)
Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
Rated 4.23/5 (1111 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Rated 4.23/5 (1000 Votes)
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Rated 4.23/5 (963 Votes)
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Rated 4.23/5 (929 Votes)
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on, he turns the dark off.
Rated 4.23/5 (918 Votes)
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Rated 4.23/5 (834 Votes)
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Rated 4.23/5 (692 Votes)
Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack...
even a heart isnt foolish enough to attack Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.23/5 (256 Votes)
Chuck Norris can go right and left at the same time.
Rated 4.23/5 (64 Votes)
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Rated 4.22/5 (1388 Votes)
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Rated 4.22/5 (1317 Votes)
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Rated 4.22/5 (1198 Votes)
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Rated 4.22/5 (1102 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once charged with three attempted murders in Boulder County, but the Judge quickly dropped the charges because Chuck Norris does not "attempt" murder.
Rated 4.22/5 (1033 Votes)
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Rated 4.22/5 (1008 Votes)
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
Rated 4.22/5 (949 Votes)
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Rated 4.22/5 (895 Votes)
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Rated 4.22/5 (838 Votes)
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.22/5 (827 Votes)
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there is no signs of life.
Rated 4.22/5 (770 Votes)
Chuck Norris beat Halo 1, 2, and 3 on Legendary with a broken Guitar Hero controller.
Rated 4.22/5 (706 Votes)
Ghosts sit around campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
Rated 4.22/5 (27 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
Rated 4.21/5 (1328 Votes)
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Rated 4.21/5 (1094 Votes)
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Rated 4.21/5 (1078 Votes)
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Rated 4.21/5 (1026 Votes)
If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."
Rated 4.21/5 (969 Votes)
Chuck actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.
Rated 4.21/5 (920 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Rated 4.21/5 (906 Votes)
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Rated 4.21/5 (897 Votes)
Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
Rated 4.21/5 (875 Votes)
It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Chuck Norris can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.
Rated 4.21/5 (875 Votes)
Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.
Rated 4.21/5 (873 Votes)
Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
Rated 4.21/5 (827 Votes)
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Rated 4.21/5 (818 Votes)
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Rated 4.21/5 (811 Votes)
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Rated 4.21/5 (640 Votes)
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Rated 4.21/5 (610 Votes)
If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could rob a bank. By phone.
Rated 4.21/5 (550 Votes)
If you swallow a quarter and Chuck Norris round house kicks you in the stomach you will crap out two dimes and a nickel.
Rated 4.21/5 (485 Votes)
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.21/5 (427 Votes)
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Rated 4.2/5 (1230 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't teabag , he potatoe sacks.
Rated 4.2/5 (1007 Votes)
Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.
Rated 4.2/5 (972 Votes)
Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Rated 4.2/5 (865 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Rated 4.2/5 (863 Votes)
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris can touch this.
Rated 4.2/5 (848 Votes)
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
Rated 4.2/5 (847 Votes)
A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Rated 4.2/5 (778 Votes)
On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
Rated 4.2/5 (764 Votes)
Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice out of a lemon
Rated 4.2/5 (736 Votes)
Chuck Norris CAN find the end of a circle.
Rated 4.2/5 (707 Votes)
Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Rated 4.2/5 (704 Votes)
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad
he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Rated 4.2/5 (605 Votes)
Chuck Norris can sit in the corner of a round room.
Rated 4.2/5 (449 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Rated 4.2/5 (378 Votes)
Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land.
Rated 4.19/5 (1130 Votes)
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Rated 4.19/5 (1006 Votes)
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Rated 4.19/5 (910 Votes)
Chuck Norris used to beat the shit out of his shadow because it was following to close. It now stands a safe 30 feet behind him.
Rated 4.19/5 (824 Votes)
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Rated 4.19/5 (811 Votes)
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
Rated 4.19/5 (773 Votes)
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Rated 4.19/5 (557 Votes)
Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.
Rated 4.19/5 (484 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
Rated 4.19/5 (376 Votes)
The Kool-aid man once broke through Chuck Norris's wall and said "Ohhh No.".
Rated 4.19/5 (144 Votes)
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
Rated 4.18/5 (663 Votes)
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Rated 4.18/5 (642 Votes)
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
Rated 4.18/5 (547 Votes)
Chuck Norris can run a 3-legged race by himself.
Rated 4.18/5 (541 Votes)
Tough men eat nails. Chuck Norris does all his grocery shopping at Home Depot.
Rated 4.18/5 (457 Votes)
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Rated 4.18/5 (394 Votes)
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
Rated 4.17/5 (853 Votes)
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Rated 4.17/5 (192 Votes)
The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Rated 4.16/5 (861 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Rated 4.16/5 (777 Votes)
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters, because not even glass is stupid enough to get in between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.16/5 (756 Votes)
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condom because theres no such thing as protection from Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.16/5 (595 Votes)
In the early 70's Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger got into a fight. With just one round house kick to the face, Arnold hasn't talked the same ever since
Rated 4.16/5 (503 Votes)
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Rated 4.16/5 (466 Votes)
Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
Rated 4.16/5 (300 Votes)
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.16/5 (234 Votes)
Every Chuck Norris joke is a five star joke just because it says Chuck Norris.
Rated 4.16/5 (207 Votes)
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Rated 4.15/5 (271 Votes)
